Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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