Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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