just come out here and I will go home with you...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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