He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
that is very illegal...i love you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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