we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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