I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Oh god it's open bar.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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