I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
