hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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