And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
