your parents love me but you hate me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize