Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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