We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
