The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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