Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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