your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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