We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
