super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
