I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
