I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
