Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
