I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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