It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize