1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
