6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
