you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
