are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
