I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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