The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
