you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize