my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
