Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
