we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
