Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
