Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
