his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
