I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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