the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
