someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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