Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
