This house was built for laser tag.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
