Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
