ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Randomize
