In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
