You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
