Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
