i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
