New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
