He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
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