May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
