i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I looked at my own cervix.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
