He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
