Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
