Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
