I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
