where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
