can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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