Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
