He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
