i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
