True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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