I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
