I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
